Mid Año Funk

They say that after the holidays, it's all smooth sailing. All down hill, at least until you go back. But, my holidays weren't that hard. When I'm doing stuff, like hanging out with my friends, riding horses, and visiting cool places, I can bury myself in the task of making new memories and laughing. But when I'm hanging out in Santiago, and trying to not cause trouble, I'm basically just a sponge of sorrow. Like that thing that Spongebob does where he squirts water out and then reabsorbs it. But with me, and the water's polluted. I'm making fun of this situation because I've been feeling really shitty lately. But seriously, this is a good analogy. The water started out just a little bit dirty. But every time it washes out of me and onto the floor, it's even dirtier than when it went in. You get me? So although my current situation isn't the best, it's not that bad. I'm the one making it suck.
     So, what would you prescribe to Spongebob if he kept absorbing and spewing polluted water that just kept getting worse? I know what I would do. I would squeeze every last drop of the dirty water out of him and then stick him in a bathtub of clean water. But sadly, I'm not a sponge. And it's just not that simple.
     So last Sunday I made an oath not to drug myself with dumb internet games, or to spend the whole day watching halves of made for Disney Channel movies. Which eventually forced me to leave the house and go to the pool. Where I laid in the sun for a while getting tan and reading a very fat english book. Eventually I got to hot to continue becoming a summer goddess, so I switched to swimming in circles and pretending I was a mermaid. So yeah... since then I've been spending my long, long days debating Netflix peliculas with my host sister, swimming, doing yoga, running (actually running :-D ), eating hallulla, and getting tan. I also made arrangements with Rotary clubs in Santiago to go and visit them. Hopefully I'll get involved in a service project or something. I feel better, but I still. I've been having a fairly shitty January.
{sigh}
Ok. wait. That sigh was supposed to be the end. But I re-read it and hanging out in a pool and watching Netflix doesn't sound that bad. It's not actually that bad... for a normal summer. If I were chilean, I would be very content. But this isn't a normal summer. It's my ONLY summer. They only summer I will ever spend here. So the thing that is really sucky is just my regret. I feel guilty not doing anything all day. I feel like I'm not doing something right.
{sigh}
ok. that's the end