Why stop?

After creating an exchange blog that was such a huge success, and which became such a big part of my expression and documentation for three years, it's now done. I am moving on with my life, and although my memories from exchange are still with me, I am not in that era of my life anymore.

I had the idea to make a blog about my college preparations, and the new era of my life that I am entering into, but I was dragging my feet because this all seems so much more boring than exchange. Like, who wants to read about some girl applying to college? Well, I asked myself the same thing at the beginning of my last blog campaign, who wants to read about some girl submitting visa paperwork and learning Spanish? Well, you all do. So maybe you will like this next blog. This next step. Or maybe I'll find a new following. I guess we'll just have to wait and see. Well, anyway, here's the link to my new blog- https://adultingwithwillow.blogspot.com/. Enjoy, and thank you for being such great readers! Feel free to use the blog navigation tools to look at past stuff, as I think it will still be useful for exchange students to come and for me to remember the year I spent in Chile.

The Flag. The People. The Memories...

I had a Chile moment. They happen to me sometimes when I'm just doing normal things.

I was in the middle of doing my summer homework, and my pen ran out, so I went upstairs to get a new one. When I was searching for one, I saw my flag. The one that my people signed when I left. The giant flag of chile that has so many memories and so much love written onto it. The one that embodies the tradition of and reason for youth exchange. That flag.

So, well, I got distracted and picked it up and started to read it.
Wow.

As I read those words, it came flooding back to me. All of my people. My Chileans. My exchange family. All their love. All my love. All the reasons I never wanted to come back. Our love for each other was created and magnified through the fragile and temporary nature of our relationships. We observed and enjoyed each other all the more because we knew that it would all have to end in June. Is this what they mean by live each day as if it was your last?

Through the notes left on my flag by these people who knew me in such a unique way, I have re-discovered little tidbits about myself. Stuff that my family and my people here, who know me forever do not realize. It was a very precious opportunity we had when we wrote on those flags. However, I think I may have ruined my chance by trying to play it safe and not writing what I really, truly felt about those people who I loved. I only hope that in my attempt to not cause contempt, the messages I left on other peoples' flags were not too sanitized, and serve to help them discover more about themselves, as their messages did for me.

thank you, to my people from Chile. For now, I have something to write about in my college essays.

a picture of my flag I took right when I got back

One year already?

     I can't believe that it's now been a year since I came back from Chile! I have successfully completed all three years of my exchange. The applying year, the actually away year, and the coming back year. So now I am supposed to move on. -? I still have the urge to cling to my exchange self, my life, my stories, my experiences. This year it felt ok to be moving on and making new friends and settling back in because that is what one is supposed to do. I was just trying to survive reverse culture shock. But now, I am officially freed from all of the duties of being an exchange student. I am just another teenager, and my exchange is a distant memory.
     However, when I look at pictures from my exchange, or eat avocado, or see a math problem on my SAT that I learned how to solve in Chile, it all comes flooding back to me and I just want to go back in time and re-live that year over, and over again. Like Groundhogs Day. :) Que rico.
     But instead, I usually just begin to tell some story that is totally irrelevant to everyone else, and they smile at me as if sarcastically showing their interest. And so the logical Willow slaps the over-excited Willow on the hand, and I return to reality and move forward.
     Sometimes I really do wish I could go back. Not just back to Chile, because my Laura wouldn't be there, and my host family wouldn't be in Temuco anyway. I want to go back to my year. When it felt like in June the world would explode, and every new day was a challenge for my ambassador self. But, how boring would that be? To go back? I already did that. I have a new chapter of my life to explore, new challenges to scale, new lessons to breach. I will soon be an adult and go off to college to live on my own for the rest of my life, not just a year.
     So, I think of that and push on. I push on and I begin the next chapter of my saga. The applying year, the four away years, and then when the world will explode in June.

My Week in 4

4. High Points: the promise of spring break. "shopping" for a free prom dress. laser cutting class.
3. Low Points: track meet. stressful English exam/presentation. the promise of spring break.
2. Me Moment: walking home from track practice with shins wrapped in ice bags, holding a painting.
1. Rebound Moment: Looking at two simple pictures and feeling my heart fill with emotions which I can't even describe, and just when I thought I was free, wishing that I was back.

who is She?

who is that Girl I see in all those photos on my desktop?
I recognize Her from somewhere. well,
everywhere.
I've seen her so many times, yet I don't really
have any idea who She was.

I know who I am.
of course
I mean, I'm Me,
right?

My priorities are:
school,
family,
running,
art.

but who is She?
She seems like She has nothing in common with Me.

Her priorities are:
friends,
um,
and well,
how should I know?

Mine and Her's don't line up anyway.

well, I guess we have some things in common.

passion for travel,
focus on the future,
kindness?

you've seen Her? yes?
do you know Her?
pa!
probably better than I do.

well,
it's a good thing She made this blog...

Now is The Good

After my last blog post, I realized that it really must seem like my life really sucks all the time. Some youth exchange ambassador I am! So, first I just wanted you to know that my life is pretty good most of the time. But when it's good, it just feels normal. But when I'm having a bad day, I feel the urge to document my sorrow. For what reason? I'm not really sure. 

So, even though I find myself in the heat of the end of the semester, with upcoming finals and miles of homework, I found myself enjoying this week quite a lot. I seem to be getting back into the groove of things. My friends laugh at things I find funny, and I don't feel left out of the loop. They're sweet. And actually, I find myself enjoying the full swing of school and full IB. It's hard, but it's also engaging. My classes are far more interesting than anything that I've had in a while. I'm a nerd, and it's a lost cause, but I really like school at the moment. 

It's also nice to be home. Do I miss Chile? Yes. of course. But do I wish I wasn't here, in the place I've spent now almost 16 of my 17 years in? Watching the snow fall down and being in control of almost my entire life? With traditions I understand now more than ever? No, I don't. It's nice to be back. 

I had a presentation for my Rotary Club this past Wednesday. It went well. Here's the link to the powerpoint I used below. 

https://docs.google.com/presentation/d/1tbAwNKyye0lauQL94fwTbjmoyqAqOw4BEmOyHl8gXms/edit?usp=sharing 

The Irrational

I was working on my presentation for my Rotary club here in South Bend, and I looked up my Chilean district to try and find pictures. I found YEP, which is what they call RYE there, and I looked and I saw photos of us, the district's exchange students.

Only when I clicked the picture to see it up close and to download it, I realized that those faces staring back at me were not the ones I knew. They were not us. They were the next group. The people there now. Which makes perfect sense, why would they not be the people on the website? They've been there for like half a year.

However, I had the sudden urge to cry. I guess it just hit me that it's over. You know? Like its actually over. And it's been over. The world has kept spinning. I'm glad that there are new kids who have the opportunity to experience what we did... but these last few months have just seemed like a continuation of my exchange. I'm doing something else for awhile, and then I'll go back. Back to Chile. And all my exchange friends will be waiting in Chile for me. Barely having aged a day.
But, like, I just realized that that's not true. They're all at home. Living their lives, and having their own culture shocks, in their own countries. Changing, and growing, and it'll never be the same. I'll never be in Patagonia jumping on a boat, or watching the sunset on Easter Island. I'll never be with all those losers again.

But duh, Willow.
That's a stupid thought. Why would you just expect the world to freeze and wait for your return???
Time goes on and you're only an ant trying to keep up with it.

But some part inside of me is extremely irrational. And no matter how hard I try, I cannot stop it from thinking otherwise.