The Flag. The People. The Memories...

I had a Chile moment. They happen to me sometimes when I'm just doing normal things.

I was in the middle of doing my summer homework, and my pen ran out, so I went upstairs to get a new one. When I was searching for one, I saw my flag. The one that my people signed when I left. The giant flag of chile that has so many memories and so much love written onto it. The one that embodies the tradition of and reason for youth exchange. That flag.

So, well, I got distracted and picked it up and started to read it.
Wow.

As I read those words, it came flooding back to me. All of my people. My Chileans. My exchange family. All their love. All my love. All the reasons I never wanted to come back. Our love for each other was created and magnified through the fragile and temporary nature of our relationships. We observed and enjoyed each other all the more because we knew that it would all have to end in June. Is this what they mean by live each day as if it was your last?

Through the notes left on my flag by these people who knew me in such a unique way, I have re-discovered little tidbits about myself. Stuff that my family and my people here, who know me forever do not realize. It was a very precious opportunity we had when we wrote on those flags. However, I think I may have ruined my chance by trying to play it safe and not writing what I really, truly felt about those people who I loved. I only hope that in my attempt to not cause contempt, the messages I left on other peoples' flags were not too sanitized, and serve to help them discover more about themselves, as their messages did for me.

thank you, to my people from Chile. For now, I have something to write about in my college essays.

a picture of my flag I took right when I got back

One year already?

     I can't believe that it's now been a year since I came back from Chile! I have successfully completed all three years of my exchange. The applying year, the actually away year, and the coming back year. So now I am supposed to move on. -? I still have the urge to cling to my exchange self, my life, my stories, my experiences. This year it felt ok to be moving on and making new friends and settling back in because that is what one is supposed to do. I was just trying to survive reverse culture shock. But now, I am officially freed from all of the duties of being an exchange student. I am just another teenager, and my exchange is a distant memory.
     However, when I look at pictures from my exchange, or eat avocado, or see a math problem on my SAT that I learned how to solve in Chile, it all comes flooding back to me and I just want to go back in time and re-live that year over, and over again. Like Groundhogs Day. :) Que rico.
     But instead, I usually just begin to tell some story that is totally irrelevant to everyone else, and they smile at me as if sarcastically showing their interest. And so the logical Willow slaps the over-excited Willow on the hand, and I return to reality and move forward.
     Sometimes I really do wish I could go back. Not just back to Chile, because my Laura wouldn't be there, and my host family wouldn't be in Temuco anyway. I want to go back to my year. When it felt like in June the world would explode, and every new day was a challenge for my ambassador self. But, how boring would that be? To go back? I already did that. I have a new chapter of my life to explore, new challenges to scale, new lessons to breach. I will soon be an adult and go off to college to live on my own for the rest of my life, not just a year.
     So, I think of that and push on. I push on and I begin the next chapter of my saga. The applying year, the four away years, and then when the world will explode in June.

My Week in 4

4. High Points: the promise of spring break. "shopping" for a free prom dress. laser cutting class.
3. Low Points: track meet. stressful English exam/presentation. the promise of spring break.
2. Me Moment: walking home from track practice with shins wrapped in ice bags, holding a painting.
1. Rebound Moment: Looking at two simple pictures and feeling my heart fill with emotions which I can't even describe, and just when I thought I was free, wishing that I was back.

who is She?

who is that Girl I see in all those photos on my desktop?
I recognize Her from somewhere. well,
everywhere.
I've seen her so many times, yet I don't really
have any idea who She was.

I know who I am.
of course
I mean, I'm Me,
right?

My priorities are:
school,
family,
running,
art.

but who is She?
She seems like She has nothing in common with Me.

Her priorities are:
friends,
um,
and well,
how should I know?

Mine and Her's don't line up anyway.

well, I guess we have some things in common.

passion for travel,
focus on the future,
kindness?

you've seen Her? yes?
do you know Her?
pa!
probably better than I do.

well,
it's a good thing She made this blog...